


Calling Out

by t_dragon



Series: Don't Recall/Calling Out [2]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Minor Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, Minor Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai, Minor Oh Sehun/Huang Zi Tao | Z.Tao, Past Relationship(s), Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 13:59:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13191558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t_dragon/pseuds/t_dragon
Summary: Meeting Luhan again brings Minseok's feelings back to the surface, and now he has to decide what he should do - try to get over the younger man once more, or act on his old feelings. And at the same time, EXO tries to help their oldest hyung in whatever way they can. Which might not always be in a good way.





	Calling Out

 All of a sudden, ‘Lu’ started playing on the radio. Eight pair of eyes turned to stare in horror at the oldest member, whose forehead wrinkled deeper.

 The manager and Yixing, who were in the front seat, quickly moved to turn the radio off, and a deep silence ensued. No one was willing to break it, afraid of facing the wrath or sorrow of Minseok. Minseok himself was just trying desperately to keep himself together.

 Thankfully, they were soon home, and as quickly as he could, Minseok burst from the car and into the building. Before anyone knew what was going on, he had locked himself into the bathroom.

 Jongdae was the first to follow, Yixing and Baekhyun hot on his trail. Knocking they received no answer, but they could hear him hurl into the toilet. A bit more than just slightly uncomfortable, they looked to each other for answers, none holding any.

 The other members were all gathered in the living room, not knowing what to do, but not wanting to leave either. At least not until they knew Minseok was okay, though they realized that he was for from it. Not sparing them a glance, the manager hurried over to the toilet, pressing a key into Baekhyun’s palm, being the first he reached.

 “Just… do something,” the manager said, and even though he sounded callous, they knew he was just worried, too. When he left, Jongdae quickly took the key from Baekhyun, who was just standing staring at it.

 “I’m going in alone,” Jongdae mumbled, and both Yixing and Baekhyun gave hesitant nods. They would stay right outside of the door, if needed by any of them.

 Flashing them a quick smile, Jongdae unlocked the door and handed the key back to Baekhyun, before going inside and locking the door again. Sure, the others could get in if they wanted, but this was a signal of wanting a privacy.

 A signal Jongdae was currently ignoring.

 His heart broke again as he saw Minseok hanging over the toilet, tears streaming down his face as he emptied his stomach. Refusing to gag, Jongdae took deep breaths through his mouth as he walked over to Minseok, sitting down behind him and rubbing his back to comfort. The irony of having done the same just about an hour ago to the man responsible for this was not lost on Jongdae.

 Jongdae had thought the anger Minseok had displayed earlier when meeting Luhan had gone out by now, replaced by sadness and pain, so when Minseok slammed his fist down into the floor, Jongdae actually jumped in surprise and fear.

 “Why?!” Minseok roared. “Why did he have to be there, how could he think I could forgive him so easily and just go back to the way it was before? WHY?!”

 Jongdae kept rubbing Minseok’s back, not having any answers to the questions thrown around him, but knowing Minseok needed to get it all out. Just as he needed to empty his stomach, he needed to empty his mind and eyes, evident by the way he was screaming, almost choking on his tears. Jongdae was very thankful for the fact that the house was soundproof, even though he knew that the rest of the members could hear all that was going on.

 “I’m so sorry, hyung,” Jongdae murmured, hoping he could help calm the older man down. As Minseok did not answer, Jongdae instead began to sing softly. Having racked his brain for a song, the only thing he could come up with was his own song for an OST, and it seemed oddly fitting for the situation.

 After a little while, Minseok seemed to relax, his wracking sobs and desperate breaths calming down. Taking several lungfuls of air, he turned to bury his face against Jongdae, letting the younger hold him as he continued to sing and comfort. He might have just puked his guts out, but Minseok did not care, and Jongdae did not mind.

 

 Outside of the bathroom, Baekhyun slid to the ground with a sigh, his back against the wall. He could hear Jongdae singing, and, thankfully, Minseok’s much calmer and quieter sobs.

 Yixing - who already were sitting on the floor - took Baekhyun’s hand, and it was not until then he realized how he was trembling slightly.

 “He’s okay, he just needs to calm down a bit,” Yixing mumbled, giving a small smile and showing faint dimples.

 Baekhyun smiled back, nodding, but he knew it was not that simple.

 It had been almost three years since Luhan left. Almost three years where Minseok had tried to pull himself together and get over the other man. And one night completely destroyed it?

 That was not right. And something needed to be done.

 A few minutes later, Jongdae and Minseok exited the bathroom, after the latter had thoroughly brushed his teeth and splashed his face with cold water. They saw Baekhyun and Yixing first, sitting against the wall and leaning against each other. Both smiled gently when they saw the older man.

 “I don’t want to talk,” Minseok said before anyone had the chance to say something. Baekhyun and Yixing both nodded, and Minseok turned towards the living room where all the rest of the members had gathered. “I’m serious. No talking about it. Leave it alone.”

 One after another, the members nodded. Chanyeol, on the edge of the sofa with his guitar in his hand. Jongin and Kyungsoo simultaneously, the latter in between the former on the floor, Jongin resting his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. Junmyeon, standing in the middle of the living room. Sehun, laying in the sofa with his phone in front of the face. They all nodded, and Minseok let out the breath he had been holding.

 “Okay, then, let’s go to bed, boys. We’re going up early tomorrow, and need to be rested,” Junmyeon said, clapping his hands. Minseok was very thankful for Junmyeon being the leader right now. Not that he normally was not, but just more so tonight.

 Slowly, the members began to disappear to their own rooms, but Jongdae, Baekhyun and Yixing followed Minseok into his bedroom.

 “Don’t worry, we’re not going to talk about it,” Baekhyun said as he settled down on the floor in front of the bed, smiling. “We just thought you shouldn’t be alone tonight, hyung.”

 Tears began to well in Minseok’s eyes, but this time, they were out of gratefulness.

 “Okay… Thank you,” Minseok mumbled, a thought suddenly hitting him. “Can you… sing for me? Like to sleep?”

 Yixing got up from the bed and exited the room, only to return a little while later with the guitar Chanyeol had left on the sofa. Sitting down on the bed, he looked over at Jongdae and Baekhyun.

 “What do you want me to play?” he asked, and the two younger men looked at each other.

 “Uh, how about ‘Really I Didn’t Know’?” Jongdae proposed, and Baekhyun nodded.

 And that was how the tradition of singing Minseok to sleep began. He found that it was much easier not to dwell on his problems when his friends was beside him, singing and playing. They were on a kind of rotation, depending on how exhausted the members were from their activities, but Jongdae and Yixing were the ones most often found in Minseok’s bedroom. They shared another bond, a bond formed during the time they were together in lockdown. A bond formed during a time Minseok never wanted to contemplate.

 

 “How is Minseok doing?” Zitao asked, and Sehun furrowed his brow slightly.

 “I don’t know, honestly,” Sehun said with a sigh. “Someone always have to sing him to sleep, and he always looks so out of it… Unless we’re out doing something, when he fakes his smiles. I’m pretty surprised no one has caught it yet, considering how bad he is at pretending.”

 “Well, you know him a lot better than most people seeing him on a stage or TV, it’s not that surprising that he manages to fool them and not you. I’ve seen a few articles about him looking more tired than normal, though…”

 Sehun let a small smirk grace his lips. “I thought you didn’t frequent the internet, considering what happened with that fanfic…”

 Zitao’s cheeks blushed such a vibrant red that Sehun felt it was going to blind him through the phone screen.

 “Aw, is my little wushu god blushing? Never knew you were such an innocent boy, considering the fic was NC-17…”

 “Sh-shut up! It was an accident! I’m older than you!” Zitao blurted out, and Sehun chuckled.

 “I love you,” Sehun said, and Zitao immediately turned into a blissful puddle at his words.

 “I love you, too,” Zitao said, smiling shyly, before looking up again. “Wait, what were talking about? Oh, yeah, Minseok?”

 Once more, Sehun sighed. “Yeah… I don’t know what to do, really, none of us do. I mean, why is he so upset? Sure, Luhan left, but you left, and we still have a great relationship?”

 Zitao nodded, biting his lower lip. “Mm, but the difference is that I told you that I was leaving. And Kris had already tried to leave before he left. Luhan just left, completely out of the blue. Minseok though he loved him, but then Luhan just disappeared without a word, and not keeping in contact either. They promised each other to always be honest and open and to love each other forever, and then Luhan just leaves, breaking his promises. Don’t you think you would be pretty upset then, too?”

 Sehun nodded. “Yeah, okay, I understand. I didn’t know it was like that… That was really shitty of Luhan, actually, and I understand Minseok doubts him… Hey, when did you become so mature and wise?”

 “Of course I’m more mature and wiser than you, I’m older than you,” Zitao said with a smirk, puffing out his chest as well as he could laying down in his bed.

 “Sure, sure,” Sehun said, chuckling. “Whatever you say…”

 

 Minseok was sitting backstage, partially hidden by the darkness. Kyungsoo was sitting on his left, holding his hand and singing softly, and Jongin on his right, also holding Minseok’s hand.

 Quiet tears were running down Minseok’s cheeks as he leaned his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. He had cried so much the last week, but it did not seem like they were stopping anytime soon. He was so tired of it, but he did not know what he could do.

 It had been almost three years, but Minseok knew he had still not gotten over Luhan. How did one get over the love of your life? Even after the betrayal and the broken promises, Minseok could not get himself to stop loving, and hating, Luhan.

 They had been through so much together. Lulu and Baozi. XiuHan. No matter what happened, they were always there together, for each other. He wondered when Luhan had first started to shut him out. Had Luhan ever completely opened up for Minseok, or was Minseok the only one who had? Luhan knew everything about Minseok, but Minseok could not stop himself from feeling as if he never truly knew Luhan.

 Was that not a depressing thought?

 

 A few meters away, Jongdae and Baekhyun stood, watching the three men.

 “He’s not getting better,” Baekhyun mumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. “Did he ever get better?”

 Jongdae shook his head. “Not really. I don’t think he ever got over Luhan-hyung. Learned to live with the pain and keeping it locked away, but not truly getting over him. I wonder if he’ll ever be able to do that, actually…”

 Baekhyun glanced over at Jongdae. “You mean he’ll be forever this way?”

 “Unless he let’s Luhan-hyung back in, yes,” Jongdae answered, sighing. “The question is how we’ll make that happen…”

 “Isn’t that easy?”

 Jongdae jumped at the deep voice, as Baekhyun jumped at the elbow suddenly put on top of his shoulder.

 “Stop using me as support!” Baekhyun hissed up at the tall man, but Chanyeol just smiled down at him.

 “If we want Minseok-hyung and Luhan-hyung to start talking, let’s just lock them together in a room and not let them out until they have a serious and grown-up discussion together without insulting each other,” Chanyeol continued.

 Both Jongdae and Baekhyun gave him dead-panned stares, and slowly, Chanyeol retreated his arm, sagging a bit.

 “What?” he asked after a few seconds.

 “That’s just so stupid,” Baekhyun answered in a dry voice.

 “Seriously, Yeollie, lock them together in a room?” Jongdae asked in an equally dry voice.

 Chanyeol shrugged, standing up straighter again.

 “I mean, it’s not going to work if we just have them meet. They already did that, and Minseok-hyung fled. If they’re locked together, he won’t be able to do that, and sooner and later, he’ll have to start talking. Or at least listen to what Luhan-hyung has to say.”

 “I hate to say it, but I think Chanyeol is on to something,” came Junmyeon voice. He was walking towards them, arms crossed and a frown on his face.

 Chanyeol’s face broke out into a big, creepy-looking grin as he pointed towards their leader, earning himself an elbow to the ribs from Baekhyun.

 “Are you sure, hyung?” Jongdae asked, glancing over at Minseok who seemed not to have noticed the emergency meeting going on just a little bit away from him. Jongin had, though, looking at them from beside Minseok with a raised brow. Jongdae gave a small shrug, and Jongin tipped his head forwards slightly in acknowledgement.

 “No, but I mean, what else can we do? Minseok won’t listen to Luhan normally, so we might just have to use drastic measures,” Junmyeon answered, frown deepening. “I don’t really know what else we can do to help, really… This has gone on for too long, and it’s time something changed. And, even if it doesn’t mean them getting back together, I think it will do Minseok good to have a talk with Luhan.”

 “Isn’t Luhan-hyung supposed to come to Korea soon?” Baekhyun asked, worrying his lower lips as he kept watching Minseok.

 Junmyeon turned towards him, his worried frown exchanged for a confused one. “How do you know that?”

 Baekhyun just shrugged, pulling up his phone and clicking away. “They might not be members anymore, but they’ll always be a part of EXO…”

 

 “Hyung…”

 Minseok sighed, but continued his running on the treadmill, not looking back as he answered.

 “Yes, Jongdae?”

 Jongdae came around the machine, leaning onto the front of it. Even though his facial expression was neutral, Minseok could see the worry he tried to hide in his eyes.

 “Don’t you think you’re pushing yourself too hard? With the training, I mean?” Jongdae asked, tilting his head to the side.

 “Nope,” Minseok answered, looking away from the younger man.

 “You know you can’t run from your problems or exercise them away.”

 Minseok’s steps faltered, and he quickly caught himself and stopped the treadmill. Gasping for air, he just stared at Jongdae, who looked back at him with unwavering eyes.

 “Th-that’s not what I’m doing,” Minseok said, a bit breathless. “I’m distracting myself right now, yes, but I think it’s fair considering how much I’ve been forced to think about things lately.”

 “Maybe you should start talking to someone, so you don’t have to think so much about it, get it out, you know. Either to one of us, or a therapist or something?” Jongdae suggested.

 Minseok laughed out loud, and it was an unamused sound. He stepped down from the treadmill, taking his towel and water bottle and moving away.

 “I’m serious, hyung,” Jongdae called out as he hurried after Minseok. “It’s not good bottling everything up inside of yourself, and it obviously didn’t work last time!”

 Minseok came to a stop, back still towards Jongdae.

 “I know. I noticed. Of course I noticed. I thought I was better, I felt better, and then I just fucking broke down. I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I just want to disappear to not have to deal with all of this, but I can’t. So I just try to get through each and every day. If I just keep waking up, keep going through with my days, in the end I might be better? Or might have come up with a solution? I don’t know. I’m just tired…”

 And with that, Minseok left, not sparing Jongdae a single glance. The latter stood frozen, rooted in place, as the former exited the exercise room.

 “Shit,” Jongdae muttered to himself. “We need to do something soon…”

 

 “Baek, what are you doing?” Minseok said in a tired voice as the younger dragged the elder with him.

 “Trust me, hyung! It’s a surprise, but you’ll find out soon enough!” Baekhyun answered, a big grin on his lips.

 A few minutes later, they came to a stop outside of an unmarked door in the event hall. Baekhyun opened the door and quickly pushed Minseok inside, before slamming the door shut again. As Minseok was grumbling over how annoying Baekhyun had become since he started to work out and actually being able to move Minseok with force, he heard a lock clicking in place.

 Spinning around, Minseok began hitting the door with his fist.

 “Hey, Baek, this isn’t funny! Baekhyun! Open this door now!” Minseok yelled, but only silence greeted him.

 Groaning, Minseok turned around again, dragging a frustrated hand through his hair. He froze as he realized he wasn’t alone in the room.

 “Hi,” Luhan said in a low voice, a sad and hesitant half-smile on his lips.

 Frowning, Minseok decided to ignore the blonde man as he turned halfway towards the door again.

 “I hate you so much, Baekhyun,” Minseok said, and he thought he could hear a low chuckle through the wood.

 “Can we please just talk?” Luhan asked, his voice still quiet.

 Minseok looked at him, but still not answering. He sat down on the floor next to the door, leaning against the wall and closing his eyes.

 He heard Luhan get up from the chair he was sitting in and walking over towards Minseok.

 “Another step and I’ll kill you,” Minseok growled, and he heard Luhan coming to a sudden stop.

 Then laughter enveloped him, and Minseok opened his eyes to glare at Luhan.

 “I’m sorry, Baozi, it’s just… I’m not used to this  _ macho _ version of you,” Luhan said, voice partially muffled by the hand he had slapped over his mouth to quell his laughter. “You used to be this cute little thing always smiling, and now, here we are, you threatening to kill me… I know this situation isn’t a laughing matter, but still…”

 Minseok simply rolled his eyes, still holding on to his silence.

 Luhan, who was now standing two meters away from Minseok, also fell silent, before giving a sigh. His shoulders sagged slightly, but he seemed to pick himself up almost instantly as he looked around before sitting down, crossed-legged, across from Minseok.

 “So, I’ve realized that you don’t really want to talk to me. Fair enough. So I guess I’ll just do the talking instead. I’ll start with us being here, right now. As you might have figured, the boys are behind this. All of them.”

_ Great _ , Minseok thought to himself sarcastically.  _ More people to kill _ .

 “They also told me about how you’ve been doing since… everything went down. I’m so sorry. I never realized how much of an impact it would have on you…,” Luhan mumbled, his voice full of regret. “I thought it was for the best to just… Keep you out of it. I didn’t want you to be sad because of me, and so I didn’t tell you anything…”

 Minseok locked eyes with Luhan, opening his mouth for the first time to talk to the blonde man.

 “Really? You thought it would be better for me if you just kept everything to yourself and then just left me? Keeping me in the dark would absolutely make it hurt less. Because I sure as hell did  _ not _ notice that something was wrong, no matter how many times you told me you were okay. Do you think I’m stupid or something?”

 Luhan shook his head hard. “No, of course not! I wanted you not to see, I wished it, even if I knew it was stupid! Maybe I thought that if I told you everything was fine enough times, you would eventually believe it… I didn’t want to bring you down with me. I know this sounds really cheesy and whatever, but I didn’t want to bring the darkness into your life. I didn’t want you to have to see all the bad things…”

 Even though Minseok tried to control himself, tried to seem as collected as possible on the outside, inside he was being torn apart. His heart was bleeding, clawed open, and he felt a headache coming on.

 This was all just too much…

 “Luhan,” Minseok said, pushing the name past the painful lump in his throat, quieting whatever the younger man had been saying. “Are you kidding me? I was there. I was there through it all. I might not have had it as bad as you did, but I was not far behind, and you know that. You didn’t want to bring the darkness into my life? I was right fucking beside you in that darkness!”

 “I know that!” Luhan exclaimed, shocking the elder into silence. Luhan normally did not raise his voice, but Minseok guessed they had both changed. “I fucking know that! I know I was stupid, but I was young and in love, what can you expect from that?”

 Even though Minseok’s heart painfully contracted at Luhan’s words, he forced himself not to care.

 “Honesty! I expected honesty! I gave you everything, and I expected the same in return! It was incredibly stupid of me, I was naive and young, but I thought that was what you did in a relationship. Obviously, I was wrong,” Minseok answered, sarcasm heavy in his voice.

 Luhan’s eyes narrowed as he tilted his head to the side, lips slightly open, and the familiarity of the pose hit Minseok hard in the gut.

 “Do you think I wasn’t honest with you, or gave you nothing? Sure, I withheld some stuff, but I was always honest with you. You probably still know me the best out of everyone, Baozi. Never think differently!”

 Minseok gave Luhan a hard stare that said more than words ever could. After a few moments, the younger man averted his eyes, chewing on his lower lip.

 “Okay, okay. I understand,” Luhan said in a low voice. “I see. I’ve started to realize how much I affected you by doing what I did, and I’m starting to realize that I basically did everything wrong. I understand why you think differently from what I wish you would… I’m sorry.”

 For a very long time, those words were everything that Minseok had wanted to hear. Through the first year, when all he wanted was for Luhan to come back and tell him that he was kidding, that he was wrong, that everything would be okay again, back to normal. Through the second year, when Minseok could not stand the mention of Luhan’s name, but secretly wished for him to come back.

 But now, Minseok was going through the third year, and he no longer wanted those words. He no longer craved them, or wished for them. He would do better without them.

 “Keep your apology, I don’t want it,” Minseok said in a mocking voice, and he did not miss the flash of hurt in Luhan’s eyes.

 “You might not want it, but you might need it,” Luhan mumbled. “Don’t try to fool me, Baozi. I now know I might be too late, to get you back I mean, but according to Jongdae and Yixing, you really haven’t been doing well lately, and if my apology can help your recovery, I’ll tell you sorry until your ears bleed from it. Even if it means you get over me, move on and find someone else. Because I can’t stand the thought of you being stuck in the past, hurting and living your life alone, because of me. Because of anyone, really. This was my mess, and I will clean it up for your sake. I just… wish that I could get another chance to show you how much I really care. For the past three years, I never stopped thinking about you. I basically stalked you, keeping a google alert on you, you know.”

 Luhan had a wistful look on his face, but it disappeared as he gave a sudden shake of his head, as if to clear it.

 “Well, anyway. I royally fucked up, and I know that. I hope that you can someday forgive me and maybe, I don’t know, turn this into a learning experience or something. Get over me and everything I did properly, find a nice guy or girl, and leave a nice life. That’s all I wish for, Minseok. For you.”

 And with that, Luhan stood up and walked over to the door. Minseok flinched as he thought the man was going for him, but Luhan simply raised his fist to knock on the door.

 “It’s me, Baek, you can open the door. I’m done,” Luhan called.

 There were some mumbles from the other side of the door, before it sounded as if someone tried to unlock the door. As they waited, Minseok spoke.

 “I’m an idol, how am I supposed to find a nice person to live a nice life with?” he asked, looking up and locking eyes with Luhan. “I mean, so far I’ve only found you, and that didn’t turn out too well.”

 Maybe it was childish. Maybe it was really mean. But Minseok could not have stopped the words from slinking out through his mouth if he tried. He was tired of being hurt, and seeing how Luhan was seemingly fine, he wanted the younger man to feel some of the pain, too.

 And he did, judging from the way his jaw set as he turned his eyes forwards, practically pushing Baekhyun and the door out of the way when the door was finally unlocked. Minseok did feel a bit bad about it, but not bad enough.

 When had he turned into this resentful and vindictive man?

 Baekhyun, who had been looking after Luhan’s quickly retreating figure, leaned into the room to look down at Minseok.

 “What did you do to him, hyung?” Baekhyun asked tentatively.

 Minseok shrugged as he got up, dusting his backside off. “Nothing, really. He talked the most, I barely said anything. Can we get back now? Manager-hyung must be freaking out.”

 Baekhyun gave him a wide-eyed look that Minseok ignored, nodding and leading the way back.

 “Sure, hyung. Sure…”

 

 Jongdae once more found himself in a silent meeting with Baekhyun, both worriedly looking at their eldest member. Lately, Minseok had been doing better, but Jongdae was not sure if it was in the  _ wrong _ way.

 “Do you think we screwed up?” Baekhyun asked, chewing on his lower lip. “I mean, bringing Luhan in to talk to hyung? He’s so scary nowadays…”

 It was true. Minseok had gone from crying and anxiety attacks, to this kind of half-smile that did not look happy anywhere. He seemed much calmer now, but in a really terrifying way.

 “I don’t know, Baek… I honestly don’t know,” Jongdae admitted, dragging a hand through his hair and making it stand up in places. “He does seem better in a way, but at the same time…”

 They watched as Minseok took a sip from his water bottle. Sehun walked up next to Minseok and took a bottle of water for himself, and Minseok looked over at him, eyebrows slightly raised. The confused maknae looked up and down between Minseok and the floor, before practically fleeing to the other side of the practice room.

 Baekhyun and Jongdae looked at each other, eyes wide, before giving mirroring sighs.

 “I’m giving up! I don’t know what to do anymore!” Baekhyun exclaimed quietly, sitting down on his hunches and pulling at his hair with both hands.

 Jongdae sank down next to Baekhyun, putting his hand on the other man’s back and rubbing it gently.

 “Calm down, calm down, we’ll fix this! I’m sure we’ll figure something out! Don’t worry, you can’t give up now and leave me in this by myself!” Jongdae rushed in a hushed voice.

 A shadow suddenly fell on them, and, looking up, they saw Minseok towering over them.

 Now, Minseok was a pretty short man, but something about his aura made the two younger men sink further down, feeling as if the elder were several meters taller than them.

 “Or you can both give up, you know, and save me the headache. How about that?” Minseok suggested in a calm voice, his scary half-smile on his lips, and it sent shivers down the younger men’s spines.

 There was nothing nice about Minseok’s attitude right now, it was as if he was packed with threats and annoyance.

 “S-sure, hyung,” Baekhyun mumbled, Jongdae not being able to find his voice, but giving an enthusiastic nod as Minseok looked at him.

 His smile stretching a the tiniest bit, Minseok gave a mock salute, before walking away.

 Letting their breaths out, Jongdae and Baekhyun collapsed on the floor, arms around each other as they tried to comfort the other and themselves from the horrible experience.

 

 Minseok looked down at his phone in confusion. There was an incoming call, and it seemed to be coming from Zitao.

 “Hello…?” Minseok answered, a bit apprehensive. He knew Zitao and Sehun talked almost on a daily basis, but Minseok and Zitao had not spoken since Zitao left.

 “Hello, gege,” Zitao’s voice came back, and he sounded amused.

 “Why are you calling me, Tao-ya?” Minseok asked as he closed his door and sat down on his bed.

 “Well, Sehunnie called and cried to me, saying you were really mean to him,” Zitao said, and now there was no question about the amusement in the younger man’s voice. “Now, I’m thinking he’s overreacting, since I know what he can be like, but I’ve heard from some of the others that you’ve started to act really scary. Since you talked to Luhan, right?”

 “I’ve been acting scary?” Minseok wondered, frowning slightly. “Is that why everyone has been staying away lately?”

 Zitao’s husky laughter came through the phone, and Minseok realized he had missed it. Without meaning to, he smiled at the familiar sound.

 “Probably, gege. You know they all worry about you. I do, too.”

 The smile disappeared just as fast as it had appeared.

 “You don’t have to worry about me,” Minseok grumbled.

 “Okay, now you’re actually sounding a bit scary, what happened to my soft and cute gege?” Zitao asked, trying to mask his amusement with faked fear.

 Minseok gave a low chuckle. “Shut up. I got my heart broken. That changes people.”

 “You know he loves you.”

 And just like that, Minseok’s good mood is gone. With a sigh, he sinks down against his pillows, not answering Zitao.

 Does Luhan love him? Maybe. But was it real love? After everything, Minseok is inclined to answer ‘no’ to that question.

 “It’s true, gege. You have to remember, I saw you together, and even though I myself am in love, I have to say that  _ your _ love is one of the most purest and precious I have ever seen. Don’t tell Sehunnie I said that, though. I know you and Luhan truly loved each other, and I know Luhan still feels the same. He fucked up, big time, and I understand your point of view, but do you really want old feelings of resentment to break something so beautiful? Sure, both of you will probably be able to find someone else to love, but I don’t think it’ll ever be the same love as the one you shared. You’re soulmates, and you are meant to be.”

 Minseok sat up again, using his free hand to rub his forehead, trying to lose the headache. Groaning, he shook his head, even though Zitao could not see it.

 “You don’t understand… Even if it’s true, even if we’re meant to be, I can’t just forgive him so easily. I don’t  _ want _ to. He hurt me badly, and to just forgive and pretend like it never happened, it doesn’t work like that. I would betray myself and my own pain by doing so. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget it, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to forgive him. It’s just the way it is,” Minseok explained, his tone defeated.

 It was quiet on the other side of the end for a little while, the only thing being heard was Zitao’s breathing. After a while, Minseok began debating if he should say something, but then Zitao spoke again.

 “Okay. I can understand that, gege. I don’t really know what I would have done if it happened to me. It’s a hard and painful situation to try to comprehend and act from. But I also know that you’re strong, gege, and can get through whatever you set your eyes on. You’re kind and helpful and always there for everyone, and maybe you should turn those abilities towards yourself for once. Nothing that happened was your fault. Luhan was the one to decide to try to keep appearance up so that not to worry you. Luhan decided to leave all of a sudden, probably not to cause a backlash against you. You could not have done anything differently if you knew, and maybe you would have been punished with more than just house arrest if you knew. I think that, in some twisted kind of way, Luhan tried to protect you. He loved you enough to try to protect you, he just did it in the wrong way. And I think he’s realized that, and is truly regretful for it. Maybe you should give him a last chance?”

 Now it was Minseok’s turn to be quiet. And he was quiet long enough for Zitao to ask if he was still there.

 “I’m still here,” Minseok mumbled. “I… will think about what you’ve said, Tao-ya. I can’t promise anything else than that.”

 “That’s all I wanted, gege,” Zitao said in a gentle voice. “I just find it a waste if you throw everything away because of you being too stubborn. But I completely understand if you can’t forgive him and let him back in, too. He was an asshole, after all.”

 Minseok gave a small smile when another thought hit him.

 “Wait a minute. How are you calling me? Am I going to have an insane bill this month? You know the company will kill me, and probably you, if they found out we’ve been in contact!” Minseok exclaimed, panic starting to bubble up inside of him.

 “Ah, don’t you worry about that, gege!” Zitao said with an ecstatic laugh.

 “You’re in Korea?”

 “Maybe, I’m not telling!”

 Minseok gave a sigh, but this time it was a happy sigh instead of a sad one.

 “I’m guessing I won’t be seeing Sehun so much at the dorm for the next couple of days, then?” Minseok asked, his phone suddenly being filled with Zitao’s loud giggle.

 “I don’t know!”

 Minseok gave a laugh, shaking his head at the younger man. “Okay, just be careful, I’d rather not have another scandal trying to be swept under the rug by another scandal…”

 “Don’t worry, gege, we won’t be going out much!”

 Minseok groaned as Zitao’s giggles increased in strength and pitch.

  
  


 Minseok spent most of the night thinking about things. During dinner he was completely spaced out, but no one dared trying to bring him back to reality, letting him be. If he had noticed it, Minseok might have felt a bit bad about it, but since he did not notice it, he did not feel bad about it.

 He kept thinking about things long into the night, at one point even making a bullet-point list. Surprisingly, even though this was the most Minseok had thought about Luhan and their situation and memories in a long time, it did not hurt nearly as much as he thought it would. Perhaps it was because of the logical approach he was taking. Perhaps it was because he was getting more used to it. Minseok did not know, but he was thankful nonetheless.

 At 3AM, Minseok had had enough. Sure, he had thought about a lot, but he kept circling back into the same corners of unanswerable questions. And there was only one way to get those answers.

 Since it was so late, and Minseok had used his brain a whole lot more than it was usually used this late, he more or less burst into Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s shared room. Chanyeol barely stirred, turning from one side to the other so that his back was against the door, but Baekhyun flew up, blinking and looking very dazed.

 “Hyung?” he mumbled in a sleepy voice, rubbing one eye as the other tried to focus on Minseok.

 “Baek, you have Luhan’s number, right?” Minseok asked, not bothering with hushing his voice.

 Frowning, Baekhyun looked up Minseok with both eyes. “Luhan…? Uh, yes? Why…?”

 Minseok gave a sigh, shaking his head. “Why do you think? Because maybe I want it?”

 “But why do you want Luhan-hyung’s number? You don’t like him?” Baekhyun asked, his mind still half in dreamland.

 “Just give me the damn number, Baek!” Minseok hissed.

 Baekhyun gave a slow nod before reaching over to fetch his phone, his moves painfully slow to Minseok. After the phone had been unlocked, Minseok could not take it anymore, but snatched the phone from poor Baekhyun’s hands. Quickly finding what he was looking for, Minseok copied the number into his own phone, before dropping Baekhyun’s phone on his bed.

 “Thank you!” Minseok called as he headed out of the room, basically racing into his own.

 “What was that about?” came Chanyeol’s voice from beneath his cover, sounding much deeper than normal thanks to his sleepy state.

 “I have no idea,” Baekhyun mumbled as he locked his phone and put it back on his bedside table, yawning and stretching before laying back down. “Hyung is really strange nowadays…”

 

 Back in his own room, Minseok slowly sank down onto his bed. He had had a plan for what to do after he got the number, but now that he actually had it, he found that all thoughts fled his mind.

 Staring at the empty message screen, Minseok willed himself to write something,  _ anything _ . He needed answers, and he was going to get them.

 Just what was the most important question right now?

 Chewing on his lower lip, Minseok glanced over at the bullet-point list still laying on his bed. Maybe it could help him? Pulling the notebook closer, he quickly scanned through the subjects, frown deepening with every point. It was not much to go on…

 And then it hit him. Maybe it was the most important question of them all, actually.

 With renewed vigor, Minseok’s fingers flew over his screen, spelling wrong more than right, but he kept going anyway. He had never been so happy about the autocorrect feature, even if it did not get everything right.

 After going through the text once to make sure everything was spelled correctly, Minseok quickly hit ‘send’, not wanting his nerves to stop him. He had made it this far, so why not continue on?

 Not expecting any answers back soon - after all, it was late in South Korea, and it would be late in China, too - Minseok put his phone down and crawled beneath his cover. Now that he had had plenty of time thinking things through, and had actually begun on his journey to get some answers, his tiredness washed over him. Their schedules were not crazy at the moment, but it was still strenuous to be an idol. Especially when you had a contract with SM Ent. After all, it was partially because of the company that Minseok found himself in the situation he now was in.

 And for the first time in a very long while, it was a happy memory of Luhan that saw him to sleep.

 

 When Minseok woke up, it was to the collective noise of eight young men echoing through the dorm. Groaning and feeling the oncoming of a headache due to lack of sleep, Minseok just wanted to go back to sleep, but he knew he could not. There were things to do, places to be.

 So, instead of pulling the cover over his head and close his eyes, Minseok threw the cover off of him, heading for his closet. Pulling on some clothes without caring what it looked like, Minseok grabbed his phone and his bag, before heading outside of his bedroom.

 Full panic mode was on as they all tried to get ready with only two bathrooms to share. Minseok went into the kitchen to get something to eat whilst waiting for the pressure to ease up, and found a very tired-looking Junmyeon standing by the sink and brushing his teeth.

 “Hi, hyung,” Junmyeon said, mouth full of toothpaste.

 “Uh, hi. What are you doing?” Minseok asked, taking a slice of bread and immediately putting it in his mouth, not bothering with any spread.

 Junmyeon spit the toothpaste out and washed his mouth, before giving a long sigh and turning back to Minseok.

 “I can’t take the fights in the bathrooms anymore, hyung. I just can’t. I’ll just end up with toothpaste everywhere, and then have to spend twice as long in the bathroom. This is so much easier…,” Junmyeon said in a hollow-sounding voice.

 “Oh, okay… I’m glad you’ve found something that works for you…,” Minseok mumbled.

 Junmyeon’s lips curled into a wistful smile before he gave another sigh and set out to make sure the young men were properly getting ready.

 Minseok swallowed his slice of bread and headed for the bathroom where his toothbrush was, just as Junmyeon was chasing Chanyeol, Baekhyun and Jongdae out of it.

 “Oh, hey, hyung, you never answered me yesterday,” Baekhyun said as Minseok went past them.

 “Hm?” Minseok mumbled, not paying attention as he pulled out his toothbrush and the toothpaste.

 “About why you wanted Luhan-hyung’s number,” Baekhyun clarified, and Jongdae’s sharp gasp made Minseok push a bit too hard on the toothpaste, getting the substance on the sleeve of his shirt.

 Sighing, Minseok took some paper and wiped the toothpaste off, before starting to brush his teeth.

 “Not your business,” he muttered through the foam, refusing to look at the three men now crowding in the doorway.

 “But, hyung, you made Luhan basically run from the room after your talk, and now you ask for his number?” Jongdae said in a slightly whiny voice. “You keep going back and forth, and we can’t keep up anymore!”

 Minseok finished brushing his teeth, rinsing and drying his mouth and hands on a towel, before standing in front of the three curious men, his hands on his hips, a stern expression on his face.

 “What I do or don’t are none of your business. I understand you worry about me, but you don’t have to. I appreciate your concern, but I know what I’m doing, and I’m doing fine. If I need help or comfort, I’ll let you know. Okay?”

 Chanyeol was the first to nod, followed by Baekhyun. Minseok looked pointedly at Jongdae, who clenched his jaw, before slowly nodding, too.

 “Good. Now, let’s go, we’re probably running late,” Minseok said, ushering the three young men in front of him and down the corridor towards where the rest of the members had gathered.

 Jongin had his arms around Kyungsoo’s shoulders, resting his head on them and his eyes closed. Kyungsoo was looking at something on his phone, not seemingly bothered by the extra weight. Sehun was leaning against the wall next to them, looking as if he was sleeping and Minseok did not want to know why the youngest was so tired. Yixing was standing next to Sehun, keeping an eye on the maknae to catch him if he began to fall - which he did just then. Junmyeon stood by the door, keeping a lookout for their manager, and as soon as he saw the van, Junmyeon opened the door and began directing the boys out of the dorm, pulling Jongin off of Kyungsoo’s shoulders as they passed by him.

 “Hyung,” Jongin whined, but Junmyeon shook his head.

 “You know why.”

 With a pout, Jongin started after Kyungsoo, but kept his distance.

 They all piled into the large van, Minseok going, as per usual, for the seat furthest in the back. And as per usual, Jongdae, Yixing and Baekhyun sat down around him. Rolling his eyes at them, Minseok could not keep the slight smile from his lips. Because even though they could be a bit smothering, he knew they came from a good place and only wanted to help him. And it made him feel a bit lonely and a bit better to have them crowd around him. Even if he wanted a break every now and then.

 “So, can I ask if you texted him?” Jongdae asked in a low voice.

 Minseok looked up at him for a few seconds, before shrugging. Why not?

 Jongdae’s eyes shone up as he began almost bouncing in his seat.

 “So, you texted him, huh? Or did you call him?!”

 Minseok gave Jongdae a stern look. “It was three in the morning, of course I didn’t call him. Plus it would be expensive as hell to make a call to China.”

 “Then I’m assuming you texted him?” Jongdae asked, calming down slightly.

 “Maybe. I mean, I agreed that you could ask, not that I would answer,” Minseok said, eyes twinkling mischievously as he took in Jongdae’s outraged expression.

 “ _ Hyung _ !” Jongdae burst out, and both Sehun and Jongin turned around to hush him.

 Chuckling, Minseok leaned his head back and closed his eyes, thinking he might be able to get some sleep before they arrived…

 And Jongdae might be an impish boy, but he also had a kind heart, so when he saw Minseok leaning back to get some sleep, his expression softened, and he let the older man be. There would be another time for questions.

 

 The first half of the day blurs past as EXO goes through dance and vocal training. It’s not until lunch that Minseok remembers - and finds the time - to look at his phone.

 Not too surprisingly, he has a message. Surprisingly, it’s from just a few minutes after his own, and only  _ one _ .

 Pursing his lips, Minseok opens the text. It’s short, shorter than he thought.

 ‘ _ Baozi, is this you? _ ’ is all it says, and Minseok feels like face-palming.

 ‘ _ Of course it’s me, answer my question _ ,’ Minseok types back, putting his phone down on the table as he begins to eat.

 A few minutes later, his phone vibrates, and nine pairs of eyes are glued to it. Feeling a bit bothered by the attention, Minseok picks up his phone as he shoots the others a glare.

 ‘ _ What do you mean ‘of course’? I thought you never wanted to speak to me again! Anyway, I didn’t contact you because I heard the rumors about Baekhyun, and I didn’t want you to suffer because of me. Stupid, I know. Why are you asking? _ ’

 Minseok’s frown deepened, and immediately, eight people leaned away from him slightly.

 ‘ _ I just wondered. You claimed to love me, and then refused to contact me for three years. Doesn’t make sense in my head. Still doesn’t. _ ’

 The next text was even quicker, as if Luhan was sitting with his phone in his hands just waiting. Minseok did not find that completely impossible.

 ‘ _ At first it was because I didn’t want to harm you. Then because I stubbornly wanted you to contact me. Now because I thought you never wanted anything to do with my anymore. What does this all mean? You texting me, I mean? _ ’

 Minseok thought about that for a while. Well, the reason for getting Luhan’s number in the first place was because he wanted answers. So…

 ‘ _ I want answers. Nothing more than that. _ ’

 The next text took a bit longer, as if Luhan really thought through his answer before responding.

 ‘ _ I’ll give you whatever you want, so ask away. _ ’

 Minseok tilts his head slightly, thinking about the power he suddenly gained and what to do with it. As he does, he glances up, and realize that all eight members are sitting and staring at him whilst at the same time leaning away.

 “What?” he asks, looking around.

 After a few seconds of no one answering, Yixing clears his throat and stops leaning, starting to pluck at his food instead.

 “Well, you were starting to look a bit scary again, gege,” Yixing explained. “I guess we’re a bit scared of you.”

 “You don’t have to be scared of me, I’m not angry with any of you,” Minseok said, frowning once more and seeing the expression change on his fellow members’ faces. Especially Sehun, who normally have a pretty neutral expression on. “Oh, and I’m sorry if I scared you, Sehunnie, I didn’t mean to. Tao yelled at me for it.”

 Sehun looked down at his food as a something looking suspiciously like a blush came over his cheeks.

 “It’s okay, hyung… Thank you…,” the maknae mumbled, and Minseok smiled at him.

 “Good. I don’t want Tao to go wushu on my ass,” Minseok said, and snickers came from around the table as the rest of them relaxed.

 Minseok also relaxes, glad to not be bothering or scaring his co-members anymore, and missing the way Jongdae and Baekhyun softly breathes out twin sighs of relief.

 Instead, he once more looks down at his phone and the conversation waiting to continue. What should he ask?

 

 In a hotel room not far from the SM Entertainment building where EXO are currently having lunch, a restless Luhan is walking back and forth.

 After the fiasco of trying to talk to Minseok with the encouragement of his ex-members, Luhan thought he would have to give it all up. He thought Minseok would never want to see or speak to him ever again. But then early this morning, just a day before him going back to China, Luhan gets a text message from a phone number he does not recognize.

 From the content, it does not take much to come to the conclusion of who it is, but Luhan can still not believe it.

 ‘ _ Why didn’t you try to contact me during all of these years, if you love me as much as you claim? _ ’ the message said. And Luhan’s heart ached as he read the words infused with pain.

 When he finds out that it actually is Minseok texting him, Luhan’s heart is trapped somewhere between floating through the clouds, and being painfully restricted by thorny vines.

 And now, here he is, walking back and forth, over and over again, worrying his lower lip to the point of actually puncturing it and starting to bleed. The metallic taste wakes Luhan from his thoughts, and sighing, still clutching his so far unresponsive phone in his hand, he lays down on the bed and throws a hand over his eyes.

 Maybe his last text was a bit forward. He basically offered himself up for Minseok to use however he likes, and even though Luhan has full faith in Minseok, he cannot help but wonder if Minseok has turned bitter enough to use his permission for evil.

 But on the other hand, Luhan would take that. He would do anything for his Baozi, if just to show his love and how much he regrets what he did.

 Suddenly, Luhan’s phone vibrates, and taking a deep breath to gather courage, he removes his arm and holds the phone over his face. Unlocking it with slightly trembling fingers, Luhan curses his own fears as he opens the newly received text.

 ‘ _ Busy now, will think about your offer and text you later. _ ’

 Luhan’s fingers now tremble with annoyance, and the phone slips out of them to hit him squarely in the face. Howling with pain and anger, Luhan sits up and clutches his aching nose with both hands.

 After all this nervous waiting, this is what he gets?!

 

 Minseok spends the rest of the day locked in his thoughts.

 During all of their appointments and trainings, he keeps focused and attentive, putting his body and soul into his work in a way the rest of the members have not seen in a long time. Minseok always make sure to practice until perfection, but there is another aura to him now. Another fire in him, that makes him seem even more brilliant.

 And then, as soon as they have a break - no matter if it is five minutes or an hour - he sinks deep into his thoughts, as if he is stuck trying to figure out the meaning of life.

 At one point, Chanyeol walks up to Minseok, putting his large hand on the shorter’s shoulder, and with a deadpan tones say “Forty-two.” Minseok barely resurfaces long enough to roll his eyes, before once more becoming completely engulfed by his thoughts.

 Seeing as it seems to be harmless thinking, slowly the members begin just letting him be, without worrying too much. Jongdae senses that Minseok is trying to figure out the situation with Luhan, and considering he is doing so much better now than he ever did before, Jongdae comes to the conclusion that he can let go a little bit of his hyung, and not be on full guard to help him. Instead, he catches up a bit with Baekhyun and Chanyeol, and the beagle line was once more reunited to spread fear into their fellow members with their pranks.

 During the dinner, Minseok kept to himself, still trying to sort all of his thoughts out. It was hard, trying to think through all of the painful memories again. He and Luhan shared so many memories, but, just like he had said to Luhan, the memories had become tainted after everything that had happened. After almost three years of pain, Minseok’s memories were no longer happy. They were yet another source of pain. So to try to sift through them, to see if there was anything worthwhile in them, was pure torture.

 “You know, hyung,” Sehun mumbles as he keeps picking at his food next to Minseok. “I think Lu-hyung flies back to China tomorrow. Tao mentioned something about it…”

 This manages to shake Minseok fully out of his own mind, and he glances over at Sehun with eyes a little bit wider than normal.

 “I know you’re probably trying to sort things out, but if you want to meet him, you don’t have much time. And maybe you should try shutting your thoughts off a little bit, and listen to what your heart really is saying. Whether it be yes or no. Just a suggestion.”

 Minseok is speechless, and just gapes at the maknae. Sehun just smiles at him, before helping him close his mouth and patting him lightly on the head. Then he picks up his bowl and goes into the kitchen, leaving Minseok with a surprisingly calm head. A rather distinct change from the last couple of days.

 

 Lying in bed, Minseok was pretty sure he had come to a realization. He had actually done what Sehun had suggested, and tried not to think about it, but feel. And his heart had been more confused about things than his mind, because his heart had felt both emotions. Both love and hate. Whilst his mind had been totally set on hate.

 For a moment, it had confused Minseok even more, and he had been even more in the dark about what to do, but then he had understood. He had finally understood.

 This cannot continue. This has got to come to an end. He has got to let go of the past, and get over it. It is not healthy to carry so much hate, and he needed to get over Luhan and everything he had done. Even if it scared the living hell out of Minseok, even if he did not really want to let go of the familiar pain and familiar painful memories, he knew that he had to.

 And with that determination in his mind, he reached for his phone, feeling like he needed to do it now, rather than later. After all, tomorrow Luhan would be gone, and this needed to be finished face to face.

 

 An hour later, Minseok found himself walking into a hotel lobby, the hood of his oversized hoodie pulled low over his face and a mask covering the rest. Thankfully, the hotel staff was used to celebrities, so instead of blowing his cover, they simply bowed and let him go on about with his business. He briefly wondered if they knew Luhan was staying here, and were drawing parallels. It had not escaped Minseok how adored the XiuHan ship was, after all.

 Heading for the elevator and pressing the right button, Minseok struggled with the thoughts of how wise it was (or not) to meet in Luhan’s room. Did they not say to meet people in crowded places? Or maybe that just applied to when meeting new people or when you were afraid…

 Not to say that Minseok was not feeling his heart speeding up with worry, but still. And, after all, they were both idols and it would not look good if they met in a crowded place to talk about their past love life. Minseok would rather not have to go through with a faked scandal just to cover everything up.

 Okay, then, maybe meeting in Luhan’s room was the best way to do things after all.

 And then Minseok’s thoughts were slammed to a halt as the elevator came to a stop, and he had force his legs to move out of the metal box and over to the door bearing the number Luhan had texted him.

 Not giving himself more time than to be able to shakily drag in a deep breath, Minseok rang the bell, and then anxiously stood rooted to the floor as he waited for the door to open.

 Which took about three seconds, as if Luhan had been standing on the other side, just waiting for Minseok to get there and ripping the door open as soon as the doorbell went off.

 “Ba- I mean, Minseok! You made it here safely! Come in!” Luhan exclaimed, a bright smile on his face that did not at all hide the nervousness basically radiating off of the younger man.

 Smiling behind his mask, Minseok stepped over the threshold and into the hotel room. Luhan closed the door behind him, his eyes darting everywhere - except for Minseok’s face.

 “Do you want something to drink?” Luhan asks, his accent becoming heavier as he places both hands over his heart that is probably beating as fast as Minseok’s right now.

 Shaking his head, Minseok pulls back his hood and slides the mask off, putting it in his back pocket.

 “No, I’m good, thank you. I… Let’s just get to it, okay?”

 His eyes wide and slightly frightened, Luhan sits down on the bed with a nod. He really looks like a deer caught in the headlights, Minseok muses, but shakes the thought from his head. He has to focus now. This is important stuff, and he needs to get it out right.

 “So, uh… You leaving was one of the worst things that have ever happened to me,” Minseok begins, seeing the hurt, guilt and shame flitter over Luhan’s beautiful features. “Especially since it came out of nowhere, and I truly thought you had just played with me and my feelings, and then thrown me away. It became worse because of the fact that you never seemed to feel the bother to contact me in any way. You have explained your reasons, and even though I can’t fully agree or accept them, I understand. I see that you did it in your own slightly twisted way of loving me and trying to keep me safe, but… I need to stay true to myself.”

 Luhan takes a shaky breath that sounds more like a gasp, but Minseok is not done yet.

 “I already told you that all my memories of you are tainted. My feelings for you, too. My mind was dead set on hating you for the rest of my life, or hopefully getting over you enough to feel indifference for you. But my heart still kept loving you, no matter how much it hurt. And it just doesn’t work anymore. I can’t live with my twisted feelings and memories, I can’t live in the past anymore. I need to get over you and what you did to me. I need to leave all that behind.”

 A single tear slides down Luhan’s face, and Minseok has to stop himself from reaching out and drying it away with his thumb.

 “That being said… I also know myself and my heart, and I know that I’ll never be able to stop loving you. Or, well, I basically realized that today… Anyway. I need to get over you. But I’m also willing to give you - us - another chance. If you want to, we can start all over again. Forget about the past, become strangers, and get to know each other again. And yes, I know, we’ll never be able to  _ actually _ forget the past, there’s too much good things there, but not let it affect us anymore. Start a relationship not dependant on that past. What do you say?”

 Relief was clearly visible on Luhan’s face, and now his eyes were tearing up from happy emotions instead of sad ones.

 “Yeah, sure. I mean, of course!” Luhan answered, his voice a bit wobbly and hoarse, but filled with delight. All of a sudden, he got up and took a step closer to Minseok, holding out his hand. “Hi. I’m Luhan.”

 With a big grin on his lips, Minseok took Luhan’s hand in his, shaking it and loving the way the warmth spread from their connected skin and out through his body.

 “Hi, I’m Minseok. Nice to meet you.”

 “You’re really cute. Do you mind if I call you Baozi?”

 “Not at all.”

 

_ This is the end of XiuHan. The end of their love and their grief-filled past. But it is also the beginning of something new, something better. It is the beginning of Minseok and Luhan, and their new love. A love untainted by heartbreak. A love untainted by slave-like contracts, frustration, fear and pain. The beginning of a new relationship where nothing is hidden, where no lies are told (well, some lies, but unharmful lies. Like Luhan not being able to come celebrate Minseok’s birthday, but then showing up to surprise. Or Minseok faking not remembering their anniversary, and then surprising Luhan with a homemade dinner). Of course, it is not a perfect relationship. But perfection is boring, and without the pain you would not be able to have the pleasure. Without the darkness, you cannot have light. _

_  And so, in their own eyes, their relationship is pretty perfect. In that perfectly imperfect way. _

 

*

 

*

 

*

 

 “Baozi!” Luhan cries out as he more or less attacks Minseok, throwing his arms around the older man’s neck.

 Realizing what he is doing, probably being way to forwards for what Minseok wanted, Luhan freezes. But he cannot quite bring himself to pull back, either.

 “I’m sorry,” Luhan whispers, hoping for the impossible.

 And then the impossible happens, as Minseok’s arms wrap around Luhan’s waist and pulls him closer, a soft chuckle filling his ears.

 “It’s okay, I missed hugging you, too, Lu,” Minseok says, and Luhan feels as if his heart is about to explode.

 Minseok closes his eyes as he just revels in Luhan’s embrace. It feels so familiar, it feels like the old times, but even  _ better _ . Because it is a new beginning, and this one will be a beginning for something better than what they had in the past. It will be the best thing ever.

 Of this, he is sure.

**Author's Note:**

> Eh, yes, this is the sequel to my first ever fic to be posted... And this I was even more hesitant to post, since Don't Recall at least can sort of actually be seen as non-AU, whilst this can't. Because in this, XiuHan are getting back together during the time that Luhan is probably irl together with his girlfriend. But, I wanted to post this anyway, for all of you who still believe in XiuHan, and yeah. I don't believe in XiuHan anymore, but I do believe that once upon a time, they were a thing, and this is my contribution to that. Also, this is super old, and I know I had more problems with present and past and grammar and stuff back then, so... Be gentle with me...? (a)


End file.
